Alternative Parenting Show 2012

Venue: Connaught Rooms

Date: 15 September

 

I arrived at The Alternative Parenting show 2012 with an open mind, it was a lovely day and the welcome was busy but warm nonetheless. The rooms were full of potential parents and there was a buzz about the place. What I mostly enjoyed was the laid back atmosphere and seeing people mingle, at the same time sharing honest discussions.

I believe this is primarily due to the fact that only serious people decide on having children. In all honestly, it was an eye opener for me, I’m used to seeing the community under the influence of £1.60 drinks and late night boogies.

Seeing a room full of mature, concerned women (with a few token gay men) – was touching. The amount of literature everyone was carrying away with them; reinforced that it was a lot of information to take in. We did get free eco friendly bags that served as luggage! All attendees appeared to be conscientious in their efforts to learn as much as they could.

The stalls varied from The Bridge Centre (Fertility clinic) to lawyers: Natalie Gamble associates – I was really impressed with Natalie’s talk, I would feel comfortable speaking with her regarding legalities. Her firm solely work in fertility law, and as a lesbian mother – she can speak from first hand experience.

Having spent an hour or so walking around, I spoke with a few couples and some of the vendors. One couple said that it hadn’t been a negative experience so far. They already have a child and were now looking to grow their family – they said that they’d seen a lot and would go home and discuss the options that were viable for them.

A lot of the stalls were from London Boroughs who were very keen on alternative families as a means for adopted children. It was encouraging to learn that financial aid is available – with the emphasis placed on placing children in loving, nurturing environments. In recent years the law is beginning to change to ensure that foster carers are also viable parents; to adopt the child should this work out. This has been put into place to ensure the child’s minimal disruption and provide sustained long term care.

Other stalls included surrogacy and egg donation, which were quite numerous, they do however mainly attract gay men. I did learn that eggs are usually obtained from either India or the Ukraine. Depending upon the ‘needs’ or wants of the parents.

The lovely founders of Planet London had booked some seminars for me in the afternoon. The London Women’s Clinic was one of the key sponsors and speakers. I think the London Women’s Clinic along with the Bridge Centre (which has a long standing history of supporting lesbian parents) would be key places for any of us – considering treatment, or even discussing contemporary options available for us.

The London Sperm Bank works in partnership with both clinics. It boasts the largest collection of sperm in the UK with their very own catalogue of data. It’s interesting to see that sperm can be shopped for, with convenient filters such as hair and eye colour, even with the chance to search by hobbies and interests!

With a lengthy talk given by Dawson Cornwell, it is apparent that the legal angle cannot be ignored. I feel that the more we know, the more informed decisions we’re able to make. Knowing what our rights are before we embark on this journey is essential and I would unreservedly recommend that you speak with a firm that specialises in Alternative Family/Fertility law. Why suffer anguish and worry in the future? If we can understand now, it’s a logical process.

However, it's important to note there are many loopholes and papers to be filled, whatever method one chooses, be it IVF, Egg sharing, IUI or any other. There is a set of works from charities such as Stonewall, which is extremely encouraging and helpful when it comes to making the decision.

Stonewall commissioned Cambridge University to carry out a study that followed the journey of toddlers and young teens to their mid-twenties. The results were unanimously positive. Children felt that their families were ‘special’ not because they were different, but because they were theirs.

As with all events, we must remember that an unbiased viewpoint is difficult to find, therefore – in the course of the coming few weeks, I will be speaking with parents and prospective parents. This first hand experience is vital under these circumstances and if you’d like to get in touch, please feel free to message me at jasmin@planet-london.com or leave a comment below.

To prospective mummies, all the best!

With love,

J